Friday, December 24, 2004

Realiticomm Episode #5

Realiticomm Episode #5


When we last left our Megalocorp staffers, the Gift Basket Task Force was seen rapidly leaving the crowd of homeless people, who had become somewhat boisterous and unruly in their attempts to grab the gift baskets. In his hasty departure, Sid left something, and more importantly, somebody behind.

[Moxie is getting her parking pass renewed for 2005 and is in the security office. She stops into the office of Vincent Decatur, security director, who has monitors all over the wall. Vin is an ex-Navy SEAL who keeps one foot in the shadowy world of “contracting.” She’s looking at some of the many photos he has on the wall behind his desk.]

Moxie: Is that you?

Vin: That’s me. Nam.

Moxie: Is that a snake?

Vin: That’s a snake.

Moxie: What were you doing with him?

Vin: I was about to eat him.

Moxie: [Makes a face, and is about the say something when a message pops up on Vin’s computer that catches his attention.]

Vin: Hmmmm.

Moxie: What?

Vin: Oh, nothing. [Vin is smiling.]

Moxie: What?

Vin: Oh, just a little job opportunity in Africa. [Vin types a brief reply to his mercenary recruitment e-mail. He speaks out loud as he types.] “Not this time, Shipmate. I’m busy for the next few weeks, and my shot card needs to be updated for Liberia. Thanks for thinking of me. Vin.”

Moxie: Still playing “Soldier of Fortune?”

Vin: Say, my friends in the Police department tell me Santa’s Little Helpers had some excitement this morning.

Moxie: What are you talking about? [Moxie’s cell phone rings.] Hello.

Sid: [Over cell phone…] Moxie, we had a little problem. The gift giving didn’t go down exactly the way we wanted. Anyway, umm, ahh, instead of spreading out our donations all around town we decided to give all the gift bags away at that one spot where we were. The demand was so great there that…

Moxie: What do you mean “problem?”

Sid: Well, the mob kind of overwhelmed us. We just barely got out of there.

Moxie: Are you all okay?

Sid: Yeah, we’re okay, aren’t Genevieve? Bea? Noreen? Oh, oh.

Moxie: What?

Sid: We lost Bea?Moxie: You what? You lost Bea?

Vin: Hey, it’s okay. I was on the phone with the locals a few minutes ago. They rolled in just as your van was hightailing it out of there. They picked up one "Abelie B. Bonnet" who claimed not to be a resident of the squatters village but, in fact, actually have a job, and that job is with MagaloCorp... and they gave her a lift back in the cruiser.

Moxie: [To Vin…] Thank God. [To Sid…] Sid, tell Genevieve that Bea is okay. The police have her. Get back here to the office and report to me as soon as you get back. [Moxie hangs up and turns to Vin.] Thanks. I better get back to the office so I can find out what happened. It would be so nice if your friends can keep this quiet, but if they can’t, it would be nice to know what the hell is going to end up in the newspaper. [Moxie shines a big grin at Vin. She turns and walks out.

*****

Abelia [Abelia B. Bonnet): [Arriving in the building, looking angry and disheveled]: Where is that Sid Haydecker? He's getting a piece of my mind like he ain't never seen before.

Miss Ruby [Front desk receptionist]: And hello to you, too girlfriend. Where you been? Sid and Genevieve and Noreen were back a little while ago. They did say something about those homeless people being out of control over the bee pollen and stuff. Was that a Police cruiser I just see you ride up in?

Abelia: [Steaming from her ears]: They all went off and left me! They didn't even give me a chance to get back into the van! Can you believe it? Those homeless people--there were dozens of them--were tearing up those boxes and fightin’ over the bee pollen and rubbers. I knew those rubbers were a big mistake. The cops were cruisin’ by and gave me a lift, but it took a few minutes of flappin’ my jaws to convince them I wasn't one of them homeless types. Wait till I get my hands on that Sid.

Miss Ruby: Well. I'm sure it was a mistake....Good afternoon! Megalocorp. How may I--oh! Hey girlfriend! Say what? What was that you heard about the Megalocorp van? Being mobbed by the homeless? You don't say! Was there any news cameras?

Abelia: Ha! Serves them right. Wait till this hits the top floor.

Miss Ruby [trying to shush Abelia by waving her hand]: They're sayin' we did what? I don't know nothin' about no rubbers. But I'm much obliged for the heads up. Gotta call--gotta run! Bye!

Abelia: I got one thing?

Miss Ruby: What’s that?

Abelia: I got Sid’s camera.

*****

Sid: [Walks into the corporate communications office looking like a mess.] Well, that sure was fun.

Smidgin: You look like you got run over.

Sid: That’s about what happened?

Penny: Where’s Noreen?

Sid: I think she went to tell Nelson she’s okay. She said she was coming back down here.

Smidgin: Where’s Genevieve?

Sid: I think she went to the ladies room to wipe the despair off of her face and hands.

Smidgin: [To Sid.] The Athletic Department called. They want you to usher for the basketball game.

Penny: You usher at the basketball games?

Sid: Keeps me out of the house.

Penny: I thought you worked at Home Depot?Sid: I do.

Smidgin: I thought you worked at Blockbuster?

Sid: I do.

Penny: Hey, Sid, did you get any photos we can use?

Sid: I’m sure we did. I mean, I guess. Let me see. Oh crap.

Penny and Smidgin [in unison]: What?

Sid: I lost the camera

Noreen: [Walks into the office.] It was horrible. I lost it.

Sid: We all kind of lost it.

Noreen: No, I mean my pin. You know…

Smidgin: The Holly Jolly Christmas pin?

Noreen: [Sobbing.] Yes, it’s gone.

Moxie: [Walking by, on the way to her office.] You really covered yourself with glory today, Sid. The whole operation gets messed up, and you lose Bea.

Sid: [Hangs his head in shame.] I’m sorry.

[Moxie walks into her office. Sid, looks down. Then at Smidgin.]

What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

Penny: Oh, gee. Here it comes. What?

Sid: You can drop her off anywhere.

Moxie: I’m going to call Mr. Offal and tell him what happened. And then I want to see all of you in my office. I’ll just be a minute.

Bea: [Walks in. Everyone is happy to see her. Hugs all around.] Noreen, you okay, Honey?
Noreen: I’ll be alright. I sorry we left you behind. We were so scared.

Bea: I know. I was, too. You okay?

Noreen: I lost my “Holly Jolly Christmas” pin. [Breaks into tears.]

Sid: Oh, here comes Genevieve.

Smidgin: Genevieve, Exotic Pets called. They said that Jimmy Buffet is ready for pickup.

Genevieve: [To Smidgin…] Thanks. [To Bea…] Bea, I’m so sorry we left you.

Bea: I guess we all okay now. And besides… [Sound of “Holly Jolly Christmas” comes from Noreen’s pin that Bea had picked up off the ground.]

Noreen: My pin? Oh, thank God!


[Moxie calls the front office and reports the less than successful community relations effort, but that all persons are safely accounted for. Vin Decatur calls to say that he’s talked with the Police and the report will be sparse on details, and that it didn’t appear that anyone else might have seen the incident. In fact, every bit of stuff that was pulled out of the van as it sped away had been picked up and taken by the various people who “lived” under the bridge. A moment later Moxie appears at her door and calls everyone in her office. The staff is very subdued, fearing some kind of dressing down.]

Moxie: Would you all come in here, please?

[The room is lit with candles. Bing Crosby is singing “White Christmas” on Moxie’s CD player. Several bottle of champagne are arranged on her conference table with some plastic cups. Instead of a reprimand, Moxie has provided holiday refreshments to her staff.]

Moxie: [She raises her glass in a toast.] Merry Christmas. I love guys!

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All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such. We may own,
take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or
involve discussions with respect to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans,
projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are not statements of
historical fact and may be "forward looking statements." Forward looking statements are based
on expectations, estimates and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a
number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially
from those presently anticipated. This newsletter was paid four thousand dollars from a party
(IR Marketing). Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through the use of
words such as: "projects", "foresee", "expects". in compliance with Section 17(.b), we disclose
the holding of IF LH shares prior to the publication of this report. Be aware of an inherent
conflict of interest resulting from such holdings due to our intent to profit from the liquidation
of these shares. Shares may be sold at any time, even after positive statements have been made
regarding the above company. Since we own shares, there is an inherent conflict of interest in
our statements and opinions. Readers of this publication are cautioned not to place undue reliance
on forward-looking statements, which are based on certain assumptions and expectations involving
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in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is
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All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such.
We may own, take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect
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not statements of historical fact and may be "forward, looking
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or events to differ materially from those presently anticipated. This newsletter was paid $3,000 from third party (IR Marketing).
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differ materially from those set forth in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is
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May 4, 2006 at 4:18 AM  
Blogger maverick said...

Hello,
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May 13, 2006 at 6:29 PM  
Blogger Earn A LifeTime of Income From Anywhere! said...

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December 14, 2006 at 3:38 PM  

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